Received this funny forwarded email from dad. It’s funny and i guess all this jokes is funny because it’s so true. Hope this post can bring a smile to all of you ♥ ♥
The 10 Commandments of Marriage Jokes
Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But then again,
so is thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention
to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of
marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man
listens. In the third year, they both speak and the
neighbors listen.
Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking
about something you say.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding,
economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9.
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry.
That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.
Commandment 10.
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
Bonus Commandment Story.
A long married couple came upon a wishing well.
The wife leaned over,made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned
over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment, but then smiled,
It really works!
♥ Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want — and I don’t expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner.
I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I want with my buddies, and don’t you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?”
His new bride said:
“No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o’clock every night….whether you’re here or not.”
♥ Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ’Here Lies My Wife — Cold As Ever’!”
“Yeah?” she replies. “When you die,
I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ’Here Lies My Husband — Stiff At Last’!”
♥ Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are no good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, “What took you so long to answer to the phone?”
She says, “I was in bed.”
“In bed this early, doing what?”
“Getting a second opinion!”
♥ A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,” Mother of Six” in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it is time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,
“Shall we go home Mother of Six?”
His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion,
shouts right back, “Any time you’re ready, Father of Four.”
♥ A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM. ”He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn’t wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.The paper said,
“It is 5:00 AM, Wake up.”
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
If i like it, I’ll be like :” Che, I take this can ahh?” hahahha. . then che will say:” ohh can!! you pay for it lah”, “if everything I like I also take then we need to sell what stock?” hmmm. . but i also will take 
club sandwich . I miss comfort food so much !!!
